Guilty…Jerry Sandusky, guilty on 45 of 48 counts of child sexual abuse.  He will be sentenced to jail for the rest of his life.  A man influenced by evil will not be able to hurt again.

I viewed the proceedings on television with ambivalence. Ambivalence is one of the severe consequences of childhood sexual abuse.  Ambivalence is to be torn in two with two apparently contradictory emotions that are happening simultaneously. In this case the satisfaction of justice brought to an evil man contradicting the dread of the memories of my own abuse.  I imagine the boys who brought the charges feel the same tonight. Ambivalence is only one of the consequences survivors battle with for life; usually in silence. Healing from sexual abuse is more difficult than the actual abuse because it continues for life.

Sandusky is gone.  This is another wake up call.  There are millions and millions of survivors out there and only a minuscule number have received the help they need to heal.  Only a few have felt the safety to share the horrible story. Sandusky shined light on the most prevalent and destructive behavior in this world.  I fear, that in a few weeks the issue will return to the shadows, the perpetrators will return to evil and shame and fear will return the society to status quo.  We just aren’t going to recognize it or talk about it.

On the other hand, I am invigorated to continue the fight to tell the good news of HOPE.  There is hope for healing, there is hope for joy, there is hope for laughter, and there is hope for a voice.  I will continue to share that good news wherever I go with whoever will listen. BE SILENT NO MORE!!