Jillian and I began a ministry in 2009 called Holding onto Hope to promote awareness of the  prevalence of childhood sexual abuse.  In the beginning we identified three core issues to pursue. First the power of shame both in the individual survivors and communities as a whole.  Second, the silence driven by the shame, and third, the means and desire to facilitate healing. 

At the urging of my friend Jim Whitmer I began a blog in July of 2010 that chronicles much of the journey since.

In October of 2010 I was a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah invited over a hundred male survivors to her platform to share their stories.  Having just launched Holding onto Hope it was an exciting opportunity for the ministry to be recognized and affirmed and welcome momentum to go full speed ahead.

In December 2011we refurbished  a home and opened it to male survivors as a safe discreet place to acknowledge the damage of sexual abuse, to confront the shame and its consequences, and to begin or further the healing process.  We were able to house six men in 2011.  

From 2011-2014 I traveled across the country and spoke anywhere we had the opportunity.  I learned much during those years.  I learned  that there was  a small audience receptive and eager to hear about the issue. I learned the magnitude of the power of shame and how it kept individuals and communities in silence.  No matter the level or type of abuse the thought of being exposed to people or the public then and to this day moves this issue underground where it festers. 

I learned that the healing process is the most difficult piece to manage. The shame, breeds resistance to address the issue both individually and corporately and the silence eliminates  opportunities for healing.  Survivors embrace silence and become isolated even in a group. The community assumes the issue involves a small minority so there is no need to address it regularly and by default it goes unaddressed. It camouflages the shame, and maybe innocently allows the issue to go unaddressed and keeps the peace and status quo.

Yet curiously, the symptoms of abuse continue to rise in every community.  Substance abuse, sexual immorality, family turmoil, anger and violence are a few. These self-protection  strategies are pursued to secure a path that will alleviate the pain.  The bondage  of shame shackles survivors into silence. Destructive behaviors, are the outcry for help from the pain.  

Kudos to community programs like AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery and others that sincerely desire to provide support for the specific symptoms.  But sexual abuse is a soul issue.  Satan attacks the heart, the core of our created being. We are created in God’s image to be physical, emotional, image bearers of our creator.  Our sexuality is God’s greatest gift to be experience physical and emotional satisfaction and joy in a one person committed relationship, the transcendent glory of God. From the beginning, Satan’s lies have been directed at the image bearers of God’s creation.  Distorting sexuality is his greatest weapon. Since the fall of Adam with this one issue Satan controls mankind most effectively.  It’s the silence. The silence resulting from the shame keeps mankind in Satan’s grasp and bondage. What could be more sinister than attacking innocent children before they have an understanding of life and its meaning. It is evil to the core; distorting completely for evil what God designed for good.  

It has been very difficult to maintain the passion I had in 2009.  The resistance to address it. The struggle to keep it front and center.  The difficulty to provide soul care on a large scale. The overwhelming reality of the war wears us all down and we lose the heart for the fight. 

During these last sixteen years Satan has embraced the world of technology and developed  what I called in 2013 Satan’s Weapon of Mass Destruction; Internet Pornography. Internet Porn on the heels of the VCR  at the end of the 1980s now dominates the culture. The social media empire provides uninhibited access and the ease of indulging in  pornographic material and behavior in silence and anonymity with no accountability.  

I also learned these years that the result of the onslaught of accessible, anonymous, explicit hardcore sexual images is comparable to the consequences of contact sexual abuse. Young boys and girls have been innocently and or intentionally exposed to interment pornography relentlessly now for generations.  It is now literally out of control. The initial shame of exposure perpetrated on young hearts and minds is overwhelming and confusing. Just like the shame of contact sexual abuse, porn survivors  develop coping strategies that mirror the journeys of contact sexual abuse survivors. Promiscuity, substance abuse, changing personalities, aggressive behaviors and more are the methods survivors develop to deal with the shame. And from the same play book, it is the silence that surrounds the issue that makes it grow larger and darker every day.  The entire culture is affected negatively, without acknowledging the reason for the decline. Powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence are the trifecta of damaging consequences lived out daily in silence.

Satans desire to destroy the glory of God, and the family unit at its core continues to destroy man’s understanding of Gods’ design for the family and thereby the foundation of all of society.  Just  the other day I heard the statistic that in 2026 the average age for a boy to view explicit hardcore sexual content on the internet is 8 years old. That boy or girl will be changed and damaged for a lifetime and the shame caused will produce the silence and the confusion  will damage their lives to the core. The damage may bring serious negative baggage to male and female relationships and destruction to the success of a traditional family.  It affects the entire community as it spiders through millions of victims around the world. Where will hope come for redemption and healing? 

Years ago people said to me, “Oh brother, here we go again with the porn talk.  We have heard enough of this. Just leave us alone.”  That reaction wore me down so much that I did in fact retreat to the serenity of retirement. But ignoring the issue won’t make it go away.  Sexual abuse is off the charts.  Pornography is destroying generations of men and women. Satan will not ease up on his mission of  death and destruction. 

We cannot give up.  We need to be intentional in providing opportunities for the unknown number of  survivors to benefit from the message of hope. We need  to provide a pathway to healing be it through AA type programs, counseling availability, and or safe places to meet with trusting fellow survivors. It is a war Satan wields on individuals.  It will take individual connections over long periods of time to help heal the walking wounded. 

We must respond.  The mission field of victims is overwhelming.  The need for healing  grows exponentially every day and we must find a way to muster up the courage to continue to  address the issue.  We cannot ignore its presence.  Satan has convinced the culture that it is improper and unkind to confront anyone on any issue related to God’s design. We are surrendering the power we have in Christ.  Jesus has already won this battle and that is the hope we must bring to all with kindness, gentleness and reverence.  We can’t be judgmental and increase shame.  We don’t need elaborate public programs and seminars to draw out the wounded.  We need to admit there is an enormous problem and that by grasping hands together in true community we can foster hope for those we walk with everyday. Satan has captured the territory no doubt.  Our role and purpose is to mirror the love of Jesus.  One or two at a time, dependent on the Lord and each other, and walking together in genuine humility and compassion.   Our mission is the same.  Our desire unending.  Hold onto Hope.  It’s all we have…