Bill Harbeck's Blog

I received a phone call this month from man I met earlier this year following an abuse presentation.  I could hear the desperation in his voice as he shared the story of a seven year old girl and the ineptitude of the justice system in this country relating to childhood sexual abuse. 

The girl’s mother has allegedly been abusing the child since she was adopted at age two.  Shortly after the adoption, family members suspected the abuse and reported it to Child Protective Services.  Children ages 3-6 have very few protective rights if there are not visible signs of abuse.  Unless authorities can document physical evidence the parent retains custody.  If anyone interviews the child and then reports the abuse, the system deems the information invalid as the testimony may have been tainted by improper questioning.  Even if a parent asks questions, the courts will dismiss the inquiry as being coerced. 

The girl in this situation is now seven years old.  She spoke to her relatives about the abuse and they reported it to the school officials assuming that is the proper protocol.   By law, the school reported it to CPS.  CPS refused to pursue the case citing improper questioning of the child and the girl was returned to the custody of the alleged abuser.

My friend related to me that the adoptive mother was herself the victim of severe childhood sexual abuse for years as a youngster.  This is the fourth story I have heard this spring of the failure of the system to protect innocent children.  These are the cases where care givers are nearly certain abuse is occurring.  Authorities report that only a small percentage of cases are reported. 

The silence of this evil is breathtaking.  The crippling shame renders victims and survivors speechless.  The failure of the justice system to prosecute perpetrators silences families and care givers.  Offenders walk away free to offend again and again and again.   The sheer fear of confronting the truth silences cultures and communities.

What has been done in your community about this issue?   Has your community ever addressed the darkness that is hiding in the shadows?  I am ready and able to sound the alarm and provide hope for healing. I need help.  Be diligent about raising the issue right where you live.  I would be honored to speak to anyone who will listen.

10:30 PM.  On comes ABC News nighline.  Tag line…”Teens addicted to online pornography at alarming rates.”  The report highlights current statistics.  “7-10  teens have accidentally viewed pornography on-line.”  The investigator acknowledged that pornography has advanced rapidly in the last 25 years.  He stated, “Whereas pornography was once magazine driven, it is now on smartphones, tablets, and yes, at the push of a button.”

It is also anonymous leading a psychologist on the show to say candidly, “We are at the beginning of an epidemic.”  At the beginning?  Internet Pornography has been unleashing an attack for nearly 17 years now.  It is devastating men in their 30’s and 40’s.  This new wave will grow larger and larger as each day goes by and the ages will get younger and younger.

The commentator went on to point out that the consequences range from depression, lying, and isolation.  They failed to mention the enormity of the destruction of shame, promiscuity, and violence.

For four years now, Holding on to Hope has been sounding the alarm.  We have pleaded with churches, schools, and communities to acknowledge the problem is of tsunami proportion and exists in every community.  We are met with silence, disdain, and resistance.  Isaiah 30:9–11  “Because this is a rebel generation, a people who lie, a people unwilling to listen to anything God tells them.  They tell their spiritual leaders, “Don’t bother us with irrelevancies.  They tell their preachers, “Dont waste out time on impracticalities.  Tell us what makes us feel better.  Don’t bore us with obsolete religion, that stuff means nothing to us.  Quit hounding us with The Holy of Israel.”

YES it’s an ugly topic.  YES it’s hard to discuss and present in a public forum.  YES it will take courage and humility to take it on, but there is no choice.  Schools, churches, communities  acknowledge the truth.  Schools, churches, communities  step out of the darkness and fear and start addressing the issue…NOW…Our Lord will take care of the healing…

Thank you ABC for sounding the alarm.  Thank you for recognizing the plague this is on this culture.  Thank you ABC news for stepping up.  It’s time for the rest of us all to sound the alarm.  I pray it grows today. See the entire broadcast at:http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/generation-xxx-teens-addicted-porn-16299107

Last night was the second annual celebration banquet for Holding on to Hope.  As the crowd trickled in and dinner approached the enemy attacked my heart with the usual lies.  “When are you going to get this?  No one wants to hear about this.  You are wasting your time.  You planned for way too many.  Give it up.  You can’t beat me at this.  It’s too dark, too personal.  Not even the leaders of your communities will listen to your weak message.  No one is listening.”

6:30 came and I sensed the presence of the enemy certainly in my ear but also hanging over the room.  I have witnessed repeatedly how sexual abuse silences an audience no matter the venue or event.  It is not silence from boredom.  It is not silence from social awkwardness.  It is consistent in groups of friends as well as groups of strangers.  It is a deafening silence.  It is the silence that survivors experience every day.  The enemy has perfected the ability to use Shame to silence individuals and gatherings alike.  Try as you may to ease the tension it persists.  You can allow it to destroy if you don’t confront it head on.

An incredible dinner was served and then it was our Lord’s turn to confront evil.  Julee opened the program with her powerful angelic voice.  Daniel Johnson, a recent resident of the Hope House shared by video the power of the Holy Spirit to speak to broken hearts.  Richard Hernandez told his story of redemption and restoration from a life of drugs, crime, and prison.  Then the angel of my life spoke eloquently of the healing she has experience walking with an abuse survivor and of her commitment to stay the course. 

The silence was still a part of the room, but hearts were listening.  Hearts were challenged and encouraged to pick up the sword and go to battle.  Jesus silenced the enemy in that very room and spoke quietly in my ear…press on son…keep going son…don’t quit my beloved…I am fighting this battle for you and with you.  We will conquer together. 

The enemy is strong.  The silence is intimidating.  Discouragement abounds.  Stay in the battle.  Pray for the warriors.  Challenge in your world the evil of avoidance.  Live the calling.

TO THE KING!!!!

On March 18th Holding on to Hope Ministries officially opened the Hope House.   One year ago at the first annual banquet, the goal was to pursue a home where male survivors of childhood sexual abuse could go to begin or continue the process of healing.  January 2, 2012 the ministry purchased a home in Phoenix and began to live the dream.  Four men have traveled to the house and God is moving.

Healing from Sexual Abuse is a difficult and complicated process and the Hope House is a unique environment that does not follow the traditional model.  Men come and develop their own model for healing based on their timeline, and their determination.  It could be a day, a week, a month…whatever needed to understand the damage shame has done for many years.  And we are seeing great progress in those that have the courage to make the first step.

May 4, 2012 will be the second annual Spring Celebration.  Dinner and program are free to anyone interested in hearing about and sharing in this needed and pioneering work.  Mountain Ridge Church at 23104 N 67th Ave / Glendale, Arizona.  6:00 pm reception followed by dinner and a short program.  RSVP today to bill@holdingontohope.org.

This is just the beginning of a movement to battle the enemy.  Pray with us and join us in the fight.

On March 18th Holding on to Hope Ministries officially opened the Hope House.   One year ago at the firsst annual banquet, the goal was to pursue a home where male survivors of childhood sexual abuse could go to begin or continue the process of healing.  January 2, 2012 the ministry purchased a home in Phoenix and began to live the dream.  Four men have traveled to the house and God is moving. 

Healing from Sexual Abuse is a difficult and complicated process and the Hope House is a unique environment that does not follow the traditional model.  Men come and develop their own model for healing based on their timeline, and their determination.  It could be a day, a week, a month…whatever needed to understand the damage shame has done for many years.  And we are seeing great progress in those that have the courage to make the first step.

May 4, 2012 will be the second annual Spring Celebration.  Dinner and program are free to anyone interested in hearing about and sharing in this needed and pioneering work.  Mountain Ridge Church at 23104 N 67th Ave / Glendale, Arizona.  6:00 pm reception followed by dinner and a short program.  RSVP today to bill@holdingontohope.org.

This is just the beginning of a movement to battle the enemy.  Pray with us and join us in the fight.

Watching the world each day gives me the sense that Evil is tightening the noose. The culture is crumbling, the government is obfuscating, the church acquiescing. The world spotlight is brightening on Israel. The Russians to the North…the Chinese to the east… The European Union and the United States dissolving. Evil is emerging from the shadows and  uninhibited exposes himself in the public square and does not even tickle an eye or an ear.

The earth is shaking.  Disease and famine is growing worldwide. Nations rise against nations. Countries collapse. The Holocaust of World War II is a pittance compared to the destruction of the unborn. The worship of man dwarfs even the acknowledgement of a creator. Evil is Closing in.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?…Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?” As it is written, “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter’ Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, not things present not things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Evil will never win…

What an incredible day.  I know if my mother was watching…she was as proud as could be of her family today.  The celebration of her promotion to heaven was without equal.  I had the joy to share a tribute to her along with my sister, children, and grandchildren.

“For those of you who knew our mother, know that her worldview was one that often viewed the world as though the cup was half empty…maybe three quarters sometimes.  Her presentation could leave you questioning the future.

She would very often begin a conversation or reply with the phrase, “You know, years ago”…and then proceed to share her viewpoint of life today through a prism of how things used to be and in her mind ought to be, regardless of the passage of time, the development of technology…things just aren’t the way it’s supposed to be…and mom would let you know.

In November of 1964 mom dropped me off at the door of a Grammar school gym not too far from our home.  It was the first day of basketball season.  I was nine years old.  I raced into the gym eager with anticipation to plan on a real team, playing an actual game.  I couldn’t wait.  Ninety minutes later mom picked me up and asked “So, how did it go?”

“It was horrible” I said.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I am never going again and you can’t make me.”

Calmly again she asked, “What happened.”

“The men, the coaches…they kept yelling at me.  They said words I didn’t understand and they were not nice.  I’m not going again. “

I shared some of the words they said and mom didn’t respond to any of them.  She simply said, Son we signed you up for a whole season and that’s what you will do.”

The next practice came.  We parked in front of the gym.  Mom turned off the car and accompanied me inside.  At the door, I took off to get a ball and mom stood at the doorway.  When the coaches saw her, they proceeded over to greet her.  The conversation looked very congenial and after a few minutes mom smiled and waved at me and left the gym.  That night I did not hear one of those words from either coach and they didn’t yell at me once.  That night, mom protected from me what became a lifetime appreciation of a game that has had a lifelong influence on me and thousands of other.  Many years later I asked her, “so mom, what was it you said to those guys that night?”

She smiled and said “You know Bill, those men needed to hear the way things are supposed to be.”

You know, years ago life revolved around family and our Lord.  You know years ago respect for others was a virtue.  You know, years ago, the things you had were just fine.  You know, years ago, moms and dads gave their lives for their children.  All those years ago, and those years since, mom modeled those years ago for us.  She had one goal in her life.  It was her children’s well being and she was dedicated to that cause…and never wavered.  If you were outside the family you most likely heard about her family whether you wanted to or not.  All these years she taught us what years ago meant.  For mom, it meant family is all that matters, and Jesus is all you need.  Sometimes blunt, sometimes annoying, sometimes hard headed…but never at a loss for love for every one of us.  So this moment, years later there is Bill, and Judy…Jaimee, Jeff, Julee and Joree.  Amy, and Kristen.  Jacob, Jaylin, Payson, Lola, London, Max and just fourteen days old today, Noah.

Years from now everything mom dreamed about will live out in all of us.   Years from now we will all be saying, “You know, years ago we had a special woman in our lives.”  I know her delivery could have you shaking your head a bit.  But today, you must marvel at the results.  Her greatest wish was years from now we will all be together again.  There is no greater tribute to a mother than to call her blessed.  Mom we will all be with you very soon.

What a precious gift grace is.  I spent the last five days in a hospital and Hospice house watching the final stages of dying.  Dying is very hard to watch.  The incredible machine we walk around in every day systematically shuts down a little at a time. Observing is excruciating when watching one you love.  The poison of cancer invades every cell.  Pain ravages inside and out. The skin dissolves to a sickening hue.  The once splendid countenance turns shallow and dark.  The amazing body that houses the soul succumbs. Everyone eventually faces the experience.  Seldom is one subjected to witnessing the process.  Observing, reminds one of the hopelessness of death.

But, traveling along in all the hurt is grace.  Grace that softens all the ugliness. Grace that veils the pain.  Grace that resounds in laughter while reminiscing.  Moments drag by as the ambivalence directs each moment.  Smiles and tears blend together. Nearly unaware, grace, gently softens the room. Grace holds sway over the invasion of death.  Grace heightens the hope of victory.  Grace tenderly wraps his arms around everyone and holds them close.

The process unfolds with agonizing monotony when suddenly grace sounds the trumpet and love envelops the room.  Love that transcends…love that permeates darkness and shines a brilliant light.  Ugliness turns to beauty in an instant.  Hope replaces despair.  “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.”  Thank you my dearest Lord for lavishing grace on my beautiful mom.  Thank you my Savior, for your unending grace that welcomes us home.

Ambivalence is a curious emotion. I am sitting today with my mother and sister in a beautiful hospital room listening to her reminisce about her 79 years on this journey called life.  While we are cherishing the memories, two thousand miles away my daughter Julee is giving birth to her first child and Jill and my sixth grandchild.

Ambivalence is experiencing two conflicting emotions concurrently.  Sitting here observing the devastation of cancer mom is disguising the dark side of ambivalence with the confidence of hope in her coming death.  She is recounting her life and providing peace and comfort for both herself and my sister and I.  In Arizona Julee is experiencing physical pain to share the feelings of joy in the miracle of new birth. Both mom and Julee are shattering the dark side of life and the confusion of ambivalence with the gift of joy our Savior promises in him.

As one life enters into the joy of communion with our Savior another enters this world to carry on the legacy of faith.  Mom has been a stalwart example of faith in her Savior and we will instill in Noah her commitment to our Lord.  “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away”, Job said, “blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Joy…peace…grace…love…destroy the conflict, sorrow, and confusion of ambivalence. Mom and Julee are both experiencing and demonstrating for all of us the grace, and love of our Lord in tenderly destroying the darkness of sin.  Thanks mom for being a shining example and a legacy for all of us to cherish.